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San Diego Desi  »  Discussion Board
Question To All Desi Women
Category posted in Women
Posted by: bpans
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  bpans wrote on 2012-09-09 01:11:52
Hello Desi Ladies,

It is really frustrating and annoying to see a common behavior from all of Desi women. Here is the story...

My wife is a housewife who left her job when we had a son. She had to leave the job as she wanted to spend more time with our son and also concentrate on home making. Every time, we meet a Desi lady (in the park, temple or somewhere), we hear the following comments again and again (Most of the women are going for job and not housewives):

1) Wow, you must be so lucky to be at home
2) What do you do at home all day?
3) Won't you get bored staying at home all day?

Every time, we hear this, it just throws us out. I have some questions for these women:

1) Do you think desi women who stay at home to take care of family do nothing but sleeping and watching TV all day?
2) Do you think they go out for spa, manicure and pedicure so often that they have got plenty of time?
3) Do you think you all of a sudden become superior by going to job?

This is what my wife has to go through everyday:

1) Wake up in the morning, get my son ready for his pre-school.
2) Cook for me and my son (every day, home cooked meal).
3) Keep the kitchen to look like new every day (our home is almost 5 yr old but it always look like new)
4) Take care of other house chores washing, folding, carpet cleaning etc...
5) Take my son for play dates, spend the entire afternoon with him for doing home schooling, spending quality play time with him.

This is after all the helps I could do her after I come back from my job.

Those who are going to job put the kids in ESS from 6 to 6 or have Nanny at home the whole day (in some cases, the nanny cooks, washes and keeps the home clean). When you come back from job, you people hardly spend time with the kids or do any household chores. So what do you think, my housewife is also having Nanny to do that? NO. She does it all herself and for no salary.

We honor Desi ladies who are going to job to take care of the family and we never pass comment to them saying "oh you go to job, what a relief for you from dealing with kids and family". Then whey the hell do you do that for us?

Take a break from job and spend a month with your kid and family and then talk about whether you had nothing to do at home as a housewife.


  Bhavana wrote on 2012-09-11 13:50:23
Hello BPans,

This is a very strong message and even though I am liking that somebody(that too a man!) stood up for all stay at home mothers, whether desi or not), I think you wrote this the moment your wife came back from the park after hearing some more comments.

I have heard it all myself, I sympathize with your wife. Why lose your cool over people who feel superior by putting others down?

She may want to find other like minded friends. Or just opt for a nap instead.......:)

  caligirl26 wrote on 2012-09-13 01:12:26
Hi, I agree with Bhavana, it looks like you vented out all your frustrations in this post.
I personally feel "TO EACH, HIS OWN". This literally translates to each person can do what he/she likes to do. So if someone has chosen to be a working mom, then good for them. Also, if someone who is a home maker, then thats good too.
I feel that a woman should have her own identity in society. And just not be someone's wife.
Now again, this is my opinion and I dont have any qualms about women being a home maker.
I am currently a home maker as I cant work but I am studying further so that I can work later and help my husband to share the financial burden. But this does not mean that, I am going to stop taking care of him / cooking for my family / keeping my home neat and tidy. I have done all this while I was working in India.
So if you dont mind that your wife is a home maker then this angry post has no meaning at all.

PS: You seem to be so upset over what others think or say about a home maker that you dashed out a post without thinking calmly and ignoring what others said to your wife... Does that mean you too feel that working women are more superior than women who are home makers????

  sandiego_local wrote on 2012-09-14 02:07:22
The husband got angry because of these 3 comments
1) Wow, you must be so lucky to be at home
2) What do you do at home all day?
3) Won't you get bored staying at home all day?

Here would have been my answers without being judgmental on the reason why others asked
#1 ) Thank you. Yes I am very lucky.

#2) I just sit, relax and enjoy my life unlike breaking my head debugging code

#3) Not at all. I have Zee TV, Star TV, MTV, Netflix and most importantly no Traffic, no project deadlines etc

Only ignorant people would NOT know that a homemaker is atleast AS busy as a working person if not more. So I really fail to understand why bpans got so upset. If people ask this question, you simply answer them back. There was no reason to explain in the forum. Everyone knows that most of our stayhome MOMS worked more than our working DADS

  bkravi wrote on 2012-09-17 03:19:17
I'm putting in my two sense only because I know there are distinct character traits differing from India in the Americas. Think about population density, and the embryo of a human being. First of all, the population density of India is likely 4-8x greater than in the United States, thus the time to share with a human model is very different and full of indifference respectively. Thus in the West, people turn to sour objects, and/or alternatives and often subject themselves to the ramifications of the Western world which was established upon slaughter, and starvation, and threadbearing the land. While India has continued to grow in numbers through peace keeping of cultural traits, as well as geological formations. Thus, time changes rapidly, E=mc˛ has a diversive meaning.

  vadodaragal wrote on 2012-09-29 08:01:35
Oh.. I think, all these ladies are jealous that you get to stay home and spend so much time with your kid and not have to do double duty.

  bkravi wrote on 2012-10-13 06:15:08
These articles are about subservience of a lady, more than the rights of men.

  bkravi wrote on 2012-10-15 19:47:15

this next article

  CoastalRani wrote on 2012-11-12 22:36:45

According to Indian Psychologist Dr Kakar, people brought up in India expend a lot of psychic energy on ego and status protection. In India, group conformity dominates a person's consciousness and group disapproval causes great psychic insecurities. In US, freedom of the individual dominates and group disapproval is not as threatening. So Indian ladies identify with a dominant social group whether married homemakers or career women. When members of each social group meet, it offers an opportunity to reinforce their group identification. Hence the passive-aggressive comments. Over time, these Desis may assimilate American values, and if so they will be more accepting of individual differences and less concerned about conforming with a perceived dominant social group. wrote on 2013-03-03 01:20:55
hey there,
I am at home too for now,and I believe you ,there is always so much work to be done even when my husband comes back from his work and is free eating and watching tv but I am not free till 8 in the night house work is no play wrote on 2013-03-03 01:20:56
hey there,
I am at home too for now,and I believe you ,there is always so much work to be done even when my husband comes back from his work and is free eating and watching tv but I am not free till 8 in the night house work is no play

  Bhavana wrote on 2013-09-22 10:48:18
vadodaragal -like your comment -like your comment

Yeah! Watch "I don't know how she does it"- a working mother's life is well portrayed. And hilarious to hear the SAHM go dadadada for Sarah Jessica Parker. it is the comments from the other side. :)

Actually, I was so sympathetic to the moms character and felt she was treated unfairly. And she was putting herself in that situation of having it all.

As a STAH mom myself, I liked the line,"My kids would grow up in a flash and I wouldn't have been there."

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